phoenix {rising}
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Oops.
<<2005-11-30 - 8:40 a.m.>>

Yes, New York, Thanksgiving, my aunts calling afterwards to approve of Ken, my first Hunter alum event at an East Village bar and giggling with my eighth-grade best friend, drunk and blowsy and beautiful, Nikki getting pissed on the phone because she cannot bear memories of high school, seeing RENT with Mack and Chloë and Emma and Ken and walking home in the cold, kissing Ken goodbye in Newark—

—but—

I have this crush, for real, and I could not stop looking at him in class yesterday, he was all perfect and tousleheaded and after class he told me a secondhand story about Harold Bloom's sex life and kicked my feet and I wanted to grab him. Yesterday I did not turn my ringer back on when I got home, which means I did not talk to Ken.

And Lex and I plot a business for after graduation, and I think we are a little bit serious. This would keep me in Portland, keep me from New York and Serious Relationship and moving in and

do you think the aunts' approval and the cousin whispering "he's smitten" into my ear and the constantness and the saying "I love you" in public which I did not reciprocate might have freaked me out a little?

I think it might have.

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