Remainder
<<2004-09-03 - 12:50 a.m.>>

I have nothing to wear.

I pierced my nose. More correctly, I had my nose pierced.

Chloë has left for England and I have never been alone in New York and now I begin. It is me, and New York, and my family. And Ken, whom I do not really know yet. And Avi, with whom I see movies and talk about trivial things.

I'm not sure I know how to be alone here. What I want to do is walk. I want to leave the house every morning and just keep going until I can't go any further. I want to end up in Chinatown and Little Italy and Alphabet City. But I've been stuck inside making phone calls, shuttling back and forth between Meg (admissions counselor, Renfew Center), Lisa (insurance counselor, Renfrew Center), and Louise (Cigna Behavioral Case Manager). We are getting to the point now where either Cigna will give in and cover Renfrew or I will have to face the prospect of going far away to new and frightening cities where I have no friends, not even one.

What do I do now? Who am I when there's no one around to see?

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