Adult Things
<<2004-04-09 - 12:42 a.m.>>

I didn't get the scholarship I wanted. Claire apologized and it was half-assed and no good. I made my first political donation: $50 to John Kerry. I registered for classes in Berlin for the whole summer. It has been brought to my attention that the eating-what-I-want-when-I-want-it has brought about weight loss. I hear I am not the ugliest person alive. I have been reminded this week of why I should not drink regularly (that reason being that I then remember how much I like a little casual intoxication). Chloë is falling in love and it makes me lonely. I want to be falling in love, but there just isn't an appropriate partner for this endeavor. (I have realized that I have very particular taste.) And I am not confident enough to let myself fall, I worry. (It has been a year since John.) I want to forget school and read the books I want to read and slink around Manhattan with friends having sparkling conversation over cocktails every night and, I think, design lovely clothing for fat girls, because honestly, I do have a fashion sense and it is growing restless from disuse. I want to redesign this journal with a layout based on "The Wasteland." It will be called Lady of Situations. Maybe Megan will help. I want, I want, I want, I am a small petulant person ill-suited to adulthood and adult things: thesis, love, job, sex, taxes, dressing myself.

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