phoenix {rising} |
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Notes Instead of skipping classes to not get my anthro assignment done by class today, I went to German, had lunch with Claire (and Marlene and Rachel and Tim and Lex—attracting people like a porchlight in the dark), and talked to Charlene about it after class. Told her the truth: when something becomes late, I get this block, get all frozen up, somehow can't manage to do it. She nodded, said we should make an alternate plan. But I seemed to feel secure in my just-make-things-normal-and-stop-freaking-out approach, told her I thought I was on the other side. She indicated that she wasn't planning on imposing a grade penalty, which I found surprising. I said I was willing to take one, I just tend to get hung up on an aspect of personal judgment. She assured me that was not in her mind. And so I told her I'd have it in tonight or tomorrow, and she accepted this. And so all was both truthful and well, and I am crisp and clear and cheerful. And my notes, too. I have somehow become a diligent note-taker. When I actually started doing the anthro assignment, I discovered that all the information I needed was available, right there in my notes, just needing to be organized. Remarkable! I never took notes in high school, and barely any last year, and I prefer it this way. On the bottom of the page of today's anthro notes are two thought bubbles that summarize the general fog that tends to subsume me toward the end of an anthro class. The first says We'll never get out. Do we want to? Should we? What does it mean to be conscious of one's own culture? To define oneself as outside or in opposition to it? Is that merely alternate socialization? Is desocialization a meaningful goal? The second says Maxims watered-down anthro: "six degrees," "all publicity is good publicity"—having connections & being known And that is, indeed, what I was thinking at the end of class. It's remarkable to what extent the classes I take affect my thinking. I want to write about this later, when I am closer to the actual experience and can describe it in a more sensory way. For now, I think, I will go home, do some reading, and make dinner for my housemates. |
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