Loose Ends
<<2003-09-22 - 8:56 p.m.>>

(What?)

Pick it up again.

Disappear, let it die.

It's hard to say.

I know they've been asking about me at TF.

I read Kara's email (she's using my computer, and also I am a snoop); Rowen had a dream about me last night and is thinking about reopening lines of communication.

Will is far away and sleeping on somebody's chest for less than an hour does not mean you know that person or have a future with him. But still I wrote a sestina about the unnecessarily shared taxi ride home.

And homefolk are so far away, Chloë&Nikki, Julia. Missing them hurts more this year because all summer we knew knew knew how much we care, how lucky we are, how good things were, and even though I live in a house with five other people I am feeling like the only person here who is necessarily forever is Claire. I know it takes time to accumulate people and that I have very specific taste but sometimes I am lonely and drive the blunt ends of my fists against my thighs and start to cry.

I wrote a letter to Max. It was very short, and kind of musey, but in a way that was new to me in that it was not self-conscious. Wrote it. Sent it. Asked him who he is these days. I don't think he'll write back.

I want someone to write back.

Do you miss me?

I want somebody to love me best.

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