Talismans
<<2003-07-16 - 8:25 p.m.>>

What a week it's been, with all these people connected to me. I carry them around with me like talismans, Megan's and Colleen's and Trudy's messages saved on my voicemail, people's attempts to get in touch with me jangling in my pockets like change.

An old friend from back when called out of the blue—she'd gotten my number from Moira, how was I, would I like to hang out, catch up? I would. We used to be close, Ruthie and I.

She had settled into herself, somehow. She was amplified, clarified, her edges were neat and calm instead of blurred. Her tics have mellowed, her hangups have faded, her interests have condensed and intensified. It was terribly interesting to see her.

And when she came, last night, she brought a friend, a boy with whom she works and takes swingdancing lessons. A boy who reminds me of Max, who expounded his theory of class-based affirmative action in a way that called to mind the paper I wrote in the spring of senior year. I asked him if he'd read the Cornel West book of essays, and he said no, said he would. We giggled over the Cornel West cameo in The Matrix Reloaded. I made a joke at Ruthie's expense as they were leaving, and he came over and put his arms around me as I covered my face in mock-horror, wailing "I'm a bad person!" "No!" he exclaimed. "You're a beautiful person! Beautiful!" Interesting, no?

Also, his parents are academics, a physicist and a '70s-style feminist, and gender stuff seems to come up in his conversation nearly as much as it comes up in mine, and that is terribly, terribly promising. I'm always on the lookout for those feminist boys.

Today I bought short stories in German and a book of Sontag essays. Today my job started to (finally!) fall into place. Today I did nothing wrong. Not even crimes of omission.

And today I got an email from Ruthie, saying that she wants to see me again, and that the boy also wants to see me again. And thus, huzzah for me.

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