A Dear John Letter of the Most Literal Kind
<<2003-04-29 - 11:44 p.m.>>

Dear John—

What it comes down to is that I need a break. I need to buckle down hard and focus on my schoolwork, because the end of the year is kicking my ass. I'm anxious enough about the academic stuff and would really like to minimize my emotional turmoil. So basically, I'll talk to you when I get back to the city in early June. I think I'll have had time to do a lot of work and a bit of thinking by then, and that will be a good thing. I need to clear my academic backlog and clear my head. I hope everything is well with you until I talk to you next.

Until June,

Mollie.

I think that's it. I don't want to apologize for having needs. I don't want to make provisions for exceptions ("If you really need to reach me..."). I don't want him to keep calling. I can't deal with him right now.

Yeah, I don't think I've written about it here—he's been calling. Every time the phone rings I jump and feel my stomach plummet. Even when there's no conversation, I end up shutting down. He is bitter and angry and self-absorbed and offensive and totally oblivious to all of this. It seems everyone I talk to suggests a moratorium on contact. Hence the email. I don't think I could say this on the phone.

This makes me feel selfish and anxious.

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