Rather Juvenile. Very Tired. Just Friends.
<<2003-04-04 - 10:45 a.m.>>

And I know very well that Kara spends all of Hum lecture with her eyes trained on the back of Fury's head, and so even though she was not there when we arrived, which inexplicably disappointed me (which is unpleasant of me), she certainly saw Fury nudging me periodically to share little comments, and she almost certainly saw me lean my head down against Fury's shoulder (So. Damn. Tired.) and Fury lean her head on top of mine, and we are just friends and I was (AM) so tired and I don't want Kara to be mad at me even though I kind of do.

And you see, the papers are still not done because I was watching Fury sleep and looking for answers in my own face, which stared up at me from the resting place of Tim's shoulder in a picture I had developed yesterday that turned out to be really quite nice. We look like normal human beings, in the most collegiate of senses. The green lawn and the lamppost and the archway of Old Dorm Block in the background, Tim with his blue swatches of hair smiling a big easy smile, one hand in his pocket, the other hand on my shoulder. I stand nestled against him, face smooth and smiling, hair neat, newly-plucked eyebrows paragons of kemptness. I look comfortable, even pretty. Shock and horror.

Seriously, though, several photos of me in this batch that I don't mind at all. At FAO Schwarz, standing in one of those expandy-ball-things, my legs looking noticeably untremendous in jeans.

Maybe it (and by "it" I mean the Kara-disappointment thing, because pronouns go muddly when I'm very, very tired) is related to what she was telling me last night, the "Sure, the Rowen-John thing is unfortunate, but it's not all that bad..." Kind of an "Oh, it's not all that bad, is it?" response. Rather juvenile.

Just friends just friends just friends, and I know that sounds like denial, but it's true. She told me the story of how she met her (current) girlfriend, and she kept pretending to ask me out, and you never, never, ever joke about asking someone out when you're actually interested. It's a law.

And would I be interested? I don't know. There are questions of Kara. Also there are questions of "must I really be interested in everyone who's interested in me?"

<< - >>