phoenix {rising} |
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Theoretical Daughter My daughter will not be ashamed of herself. She will not think that she is lazy or greedy or selfish or fat, and if she is fat, she will love her small, round body because it is that small, round body that allows her to pick things up and run and jump on trampolines. My daughter will never, never hate herself. She will be honest and unafraid. My daughter will grow up feeling safe. Always safe. It will never be my daughter against the world. She will never have to defend herself against everyone and everything. My daughter will never have to wrap her arms around her torso as she cries because I will always be there to do it for her. My daughter will never feel abandoned, and she will not be paralyzed by a furious desire for affection; she will never spend weeks longing to be held and comforted. My daughter will never be told to be quiet, intellectually or personally. My daughter will never be silenced. She will speak her opinions and her feelings with an easy assurance that they will be respected. My daughter will grow up in a confident glow, knowing that she is valued for who she is, for what she has to say. She will never be terrified that someone is looking at her; she will never fantasize that those whispering voices are hissing her secret sins. My daughter will be brave and adventurous. She will dream of faraway things not because she is afraid of the present but because she is excited for the future. My daughter will not flee the present, she will chase the future with glee. The future will brush against her cheeks and she, laughing, will pursue, not desperate for the redemption of capturing it but glad to be engaged in the chase. My daughter will love the process of things. She will find her joy not in the validation but in the effort itself. My daughter will be her own validation. My daughter will not be timid, my daughter will fall down and make a mess and cry and she will get up and pick up and smile and know that it's okay to fall down and make messes and cry, that it's not the end of the world, that it doesn't mean she is incapable, a failure, worthless, weak. My daughter will never, never find a void gaping next to her heart. Many years ago, my mother probably said something like this. |
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