phoenix {rising} |
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The Logistics Caught by surprise, without time to prepare. I said I have to talk to you. I said I'm moving out. I said So the bike needs to be moved. She said When? I said Sometime in the next two days, probably by Monday evening. Or something. The point is what I didn't say. I didn't say Either you are incredibly inconsiderate or you have worked very hard to make living with you as difficult as possible. I didn't say I think you are seriously disturbed. The point is that my legs felt like jelly and I was close to hyperventilating as she, heavy eyebrows furrowed over furtive eyes, lips tight, continued down the staircase with little more than a nod. The point is that I was terrified. Viscerally. Could be the living situation was affecting me more than I knew. Could be I'm scared to stand up for myself more than I knew. I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the logistics of the move, and still don't feel like it's really going to happen, for sure, even though I just sent my house advisor and the area resident advisor an email saying that it is. In this email I referred to myself as having been terrorized. I figure if I am terrified, which I am, and feel as if I have been consciously made to feel terrified, which I do, I can consider myself to have been terrorized. Get me out of here. |
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