Oh, God, Not Again
<<2003-02-22 - 10:41 p.m.>>

Didn't get the physics problem set in. Didn't get the hum paper in. And I emailed Eddie about it and he was very sweet, said "my diligence in the past and the quality of my work has earned me some slack," and that made me feel nice and it made me feel guilty.

And I was so glad to tell Chloë that I'm coming home for spring break, but I had, apparently, neglected to mention that it was a group thing—wait—no—I did mention it. I distinctly remember telling her that my coming or not depended upon how much enthusiasm I could whip up amongst the group. Hmm. Nevertheless, she was unenthusiastic and angry at me.

I'm letting the Dread Roommate ignore me. I haven't emailed any of the potential new roommates, even though I know a couple of them casually and really could. I haven't emailed Megan to hint at maybe moving in with her.

I haven't done anything.

I'm numb, numb, numb. Numb and dazed and paralyzed and immobile. And hoping it will all just go away.

All these people making their noises, playing their music, laughing and planning and God, can't it all just disappear?

(This, I know quite well, is hideous and ridiculous.)

Singing my numbing little singsong into the soft void. Except with none of the doomed glamour.

Being numb is boring and stupid, and I don't care.

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