In Which I Speak to the Void What I Would Like to Say to John
<<2003-02-18 - 11:20 p.m.>>

I don't want to be alone. I feel alone. My mother drove away and I could feel the furious anxiety expanding in my stomach.

John, I'm not okay. Or I am okay and want to not be okay. Or I'm not okay and want to think that I'm okay, it's just that I don't want to be okay.

John, I'm confused.

John, I want to wake up next to you. I can't bear your words in someone else's voice.

The phone rang and I prayed it was you. It wasn't.

I am thinking of you in the twenty-one inches of snow. I am thinking of you beautiful against the muffled noise, your own sounds hushed and soothed away.

<< - >>