Isolating Master Stroke
<<2003-02-17 - 12:53 p.m.>>

A master isolating stroke. Keeps me uncomfortable with my mother. Cuts me off from Tim. A glass wall between me and everyone.

And then, then I block the escape route.

I slept through an appointment with Zibby this morning. I had gotten plenty of sleep last night, I was back here reading the Metamorphoses and I was getting those waves of sleepiness that I just haven't been on my guard for lately, I just haven't dissociated in such a long time, and I thought I'd close my eyes for a minute, and I woke up with five minutes left in our appointment time.

Fuck.

And it's just that I'd been hoping I could save my mother's visit, just been hoping I could still talk to her, still let her comfort me, and something inside me is hateful and lonely and furious and just doesn't want to be comforted. Just doesn't want it to be okay.

I didn't do anything this wrong. This reaction is officially out of proportion.

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