Spring Semester—Prologue
<<2003-01-27 - 12:03 p.m.>>

Okay, not really, not in earnest—I've just had one Humanities lecture. But still. Woke up to the alarm, took another little snooze, then had to scramble over to lecture. When I walked in, Pancho had a boom box on the table, and it was blaring:

War. Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

And admittedly, I sat through the lecture (which was mostly catching us up on the chronological discrepancy and differences in approach between the first and second semsters) wondering if I'd be happier at Yale, wondering if highbrow is home, if elitism would be more comfortable, but nevertheless, I got this feeling this morning of being glad to be here. Maybe it's because I didn't put off going up to the Career Services office to pick up the sample résumés and cover letters that I'd asked for. I'm going to get right on the task of finding myself a summer internship, and that makes me feel motivated and ambitious and so on and so forth.

In the bookstore today, when I was looking for my physics text, I ran into Ed (my Humanities conference professor), who gave me a friendly greeting, sort of tentatively touched my shoulder in a "haven't-seen-you-in-a-long-time" kind of way. I think I might be harboring a little crush. I certainly respect and admire him a great deal...besides, isn't it sort of an important experience to have a crush on your professor at least once in your life?

I'm a bit nervous, though, that I'm going to turn out to have a father complex. Spend my romantic life (assuming I ever acquire one) trying to fill the hole left my the absence of an emotionally involved father, or trying to find someone to make up for all the things my father did wrong. Nikki certainly has some Elektra issues, and I confess I find it rather creepy—she just finds herself attracted to much older men, men twenty or thirty years older than she. Then again, she also finds herself attracted to boys substantially younger than she is, which is also really rather creepy.

I don't want sexual complexes of any sort. I want a nice healthy relationship and a nice healthy sex life. Is that so much to ask?

Oh! And Lily came back! I know she's working on a transfer for next year, but still—I have an entire semester to get to know her better now, and I'm very glad. I know she's not happy to be back, but I'm happy to have her back—so there.

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